Holiday Stress Isn’t in Your Head; It’s in Your Nervous System.

Practical boundary strategies (that actually work) from Root & Rise Clinical Specialists

If you’ve ever been asked, “Are you ready for the holidays?” and wanted to laugh-cry… same.

At Root & Rise, we talk to clients throughout the year about stress, anxiety, family dynamics, and boundaries, but the holidays can amplify these issues. The lights look beautiful. The pressure feels intense. Suddenly, everyone arrives with expectations, opinions, and a full agenda.

In a recent Licensed 2 Spill conversation, we discussed what truly makes this season more difficult than it “should” be, and what helps.

The holidays don’t automatically make people joyful.

They make patterns louder.

For some people, the holidays truly feel like a warm, meaningful tradition: family, food, and connection.

For others? The holidays are emotionally loaded.

They bring up:

• old roles you’ve spent years trying to unlearn

• family pressure to “play nice” or “be who you used to be.”

• grief that hits harder this time of year

• financial stress and the constant mental math of spending

• the exhausting performance of pretending you’re “festive enough.”

  
  

And here’s the part people don’t say out loud: many adults walk into a family gathering and instantly feel 12 again… like the version of yourself that existed before you grew into who you are.

That isn’t a weakness. That’s nervous system memory.

The #1 thing we repeat in sessions this time of year

How to say no and be okay with it.

Holidays often activate family “scripts.” Roles get assigned without consent:

• the peacemaker

• the caretaker

• the one who never causes waves

• the one who gets cornered with invasive questions

• the one who’s expected to stay longer, spend more, explain more

• 
  

Many clients are in therapy specifically to stop living in those roles.

Yes, boundaries are discussed frequently.

But we’re not talking about boundaries in a Pinterest-quote way.

We’re talking about real-life boundaries that help you get through the day without emotionally combusting.

Holiday boundaries that are actually usable:

1) Pre-plan your script (don’t improvise under pressure)

When you know a topic will come up, plan your line before you’re in the room.

Try:

• “I’m not discussing that today.”

• “Let’s change the subject.”

• “I’m taking a quick break — I’ll be back.”

• “I’d rather keep that private.”

  
  

Not rude. Not dramatic. Clear.

2) Have an exit strategy (yes, an actual one)

If you have a complicated family system, hoping for the best is not a plan.

An exit strategy can look like:

• driving yourself

• parking so you can’t get blocked in

• a planned “walk break.”

• a bathroom grounding reset

• a code word with your partner/friend

• a “phone call” you can step away to take

• 
  

It’s not overkill. It’s self-preservation.

3) Redirect questions by flipping the spotlight

This one is straightforward and oddly effective: most people love talking about themselves.

If someone presses you with questions you don’t want to answer, steer the conversation toward curiosity.

• “I’m still figuring that out... how have you been doing with ____?”

• “That’s not my focus right now... tell me how your year has been.”

• “Wait, I heard your son got engaged...what happened?!”

  
  

You’re not being evasive. You’re guiding the conversation away from your nervous system’s breaking point.

4) Use humor to take the edge off

One of our favorite examples is a client anxious about seeing grandparents and being questioned about work, dating, and life milestones.

We created a literal “answer sheet” with funny responses on one side and real answers on the other: something she could bring to lighten the mood without needing to defend herself.

Humor isn’t just an avoidance tactic when it helps reduce shame and prevents conflicts from escalating. Sometimes, it’s the best friend of a well-regulated nervous system.

5) Regulate before the fire starts

This one’s blunt: a lot of people wait until they’re already triggered to try to use skills.

You’ll get better outcomes if you regulate in advance:

• Eat before the event

• Lower your caffeine

• Ground in the car before you walk in

• have a plan for “micro-breaks.”

• decide what you will and won’t engage with

  
  

Permit yourself to have mixed emotions. You don’t need to pretend this is the happiest time of year if it isn’t.

“But they think my boundary is rude.”

This comes up constantly, and here’s the truth:

Some people take advantage when you have no boundaries.

So when you establish one, they feel uneasy.

A famous saying (popularized by boundary work, including Terry Cole’s boundary framework):

If someone reacts badly to your boundary, that’s often proof that the boundary was necessary.

A boundary isn’t an argument. It’s information.

If someone is offended because you won’t discuss your dating life, your politics, your finances, your body, your career timeline, that’s not you being rude.

That’s you refusing to be consumed for the sake of “holiday harmony.”

Therapists aren’t immune to holiday stress

Let’s kill a myth right now: therapists do not float above family chaos.

We’re human, and during the holidays we’re holding:

• everyone else’s stress

• everyone else’s grief

• everyone else’s family systems

• …while also navigating our own.

  
  

This is why boundaries matter for everyone, including clinicians. Because showing up regulated isn’t something you “should” be able to do. It’s something you build with intention.

One of the most helpful practices we talked about: mentally leaving work at work. End-of-day routines are essential; even if it’s just a deep breath, a written note, or an intentional “I did enough today.”

The takeaway:

You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.

You don’t have to perform cheer.

You don’t have to sacrifice your growth to keep others comfortable.

Boundaries aren’t mean; they’re a way to protect your capacity so you can be yourself.

And if you need help creating a plan for this season, that’s what therapy is for.

Want support navigating the holidays without losing yourself?

Root & Rise Clinical Specialists provides boutique, integrative psychotherapy with clinicians trained to support you in managing anxiety, family dynamics, boundaries, and nervous system regulation.

Learn more at www.rootandrisecs.com